If the first strains of Christmas music and previews of holiday movies make you cringe, you’re in good company. This story validates all the reasons why the holidays are not always what they seem. Queue the Mr. Grinch Music!
You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel
You’re as cuddly as a cactus
And as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel…
For most people, family gatherings can be a big source of conflict. If you don’t argue about whose house you’re going to, the long commute, or being with people you don’t like but have to be nice to, can be very wearing.For those without family, it can be lonely. Those who have suffered losses might not find the holidays at all to be “merry & bright.”
Debunk the myths!
#1 Grinch Myth: The holidays are fun:
Children love the Fall and Winter holidays. They get gifts they can’t buy on their own, and plenty of attention and affection, not to mention holiday delicacies.
For adults, it’s usually a time of economic and social stress. We’ll get to the reasons why in a moment But first, I really do know some adults who relish the holiday season, and nothing dampens their holiday spirit.
#2 Grinch Myth: Everyone is going to parties (where’s my invite)?
they’d rather be home eating take-out and watching Netflix
Do you say you’re not getting those fancy engraved invitations to a fabulous ball and the only holiday invites are to munch nachos with your buddies? You’re in good company. Most of the amazing soirees you see on television are just actors making you wish you needed a reason to purchase high-quality champagne.
If you do get invited to a black tie event, it’s probably a command performance from someone who won’t take NO for an answer. Or it might be a high-priced charity event. These are pretty boring until people get drunk and fall on the dancefloor. As you’re tugging at your Spanx, you will wish you were home eating take-out.
Consider yourself lucky if you’re with people you love, even if you’re just eating dip and chips.
The Office Party:
If you work in many types of organizations you will be subjected to the annual ritual known as the Office Holiday Party. This is not a party at all, it’s work, and you will be scrutinzed and maybe become the stuff of office gossip. What fun (not)!
If you don’t get wild and crazy, someone else will. A must-read is our advice sisters classic: Oh Crap! I Drank Too Much At the Office Party Last Night.
#3 Grinch Myth: Happy Holidays With The Family:
Norman Rockwell makes this Thanksgiving portrait look amazing, but…your family memories may differ.
only Norman Rockwell could make this look good.
Family and holidays don’t always mix. If you actually agree on whose home you’ll visit, there’s likely to be hurt feelings from the rest of the relatives. If you are in a situation where you’re being pulled apart by family members that don’t blend, I have a classic holiday Thanksgiving advice column (updated in 2020)
I can remember my own trips to “visit” where the journey was long and exhausting. Everyone was cranky by the time they actually got out of the car/airplane/train.
If you host the festivities, all of the stress is on you. You have to find places for the out-of-towners to stay, entertain them, and then you have to clean up!
#4 Grinch Myth: Lovely Gifts:
photo by By Victoria Lipov Shutterstock
Caviar wishes and champagne dreams? Keep dreaming!
A long time ago I spent some time as a management trainee in a big department store. During the holidays we had to help out at the register. I was really shocked to see people literally grabbing anything under $10 by the armful just to get the shopping over with.
And then, many of their unlucky gift recipients will spend time on the return line to exchange gifts they didn’t want. Really..you’re giving another umbrella set?
How to Make the Holidays a Bit Better:
Home Alone?
photo by By Trybex
The holidays can be really depressing if you have nowhere to go, or you are away on business, or if you have lost a loved one, or you’ve recently broken up with someone. Consider this: each of the big holidays is just 24 hours…and then it is O.V.E.R.!
For everyone who feels left out and lonely, here are some suggestions to make it through the holidays.
Happy Holiday Vibe:
Happy things to look at really do a lot to make you feel good. Light the Chanukah candles, and queue the holiday lights!
Get a happy holiday vibe going. Decorate even if no one sees your effort but you and the dog. Play music, do yoga, ride a bike, take a hike…whatever you’re into, do more of it.
If you have holiday traditions, do them even if no one else is around. Who says you have to wait for the family to make a holiday dinner or potato latkes?
Party At Your Own Pace:
Memories:
Has someone special to you passed? Good memories are the way we keep loved ones who have passed on, alive. If you start to feel sad that someone special is no longer with you during the holidays, change the narrative in your mind. Think about the wonderful memories you have of them. Loved ones (and pets over the rainbow bridge) will live forever, as long as you keep them in your heart and remember them in happy memories!
Food for the Soul:
the scent of fresh bread or cookies, a holiday cake, or fragrant soup really lifts the spirit.
You may think everyone is paired up or at family gatherings, but there are always others who find themselves without places to go during the holidays, too. Every City and Town has community dinners where you can share the holiday with new people. You don’t have to be looking for a romantic partner. These events offer companionship, conversation, and something to do. If nothing else, everyone there is in the same boat…and grateful for your company. However, if you do want romance, you might just find a new love–maybe just in time for the new year!
Plan Ahead:
Definite plans are comforting and empowering.
Computers and smartphones keep you constantly connected, so call, text, tweet, Facetime, etc.
However, a word of caution: Emotionally upset people are especially vulnerable to predators so never reveal personal information or intimate feelings online, especially to strangers.
Banish Those Sad and Grinchy Thoughts:
photo By 3D_creation
Sad thoughts feel like they’re here forever, but actually, they are fleeting. For most people simply substituting a sad thought for a happy one helps. But if you are feeling that things won’t ever get better, please ask for help.
To find help immediately, do an online search (e.g. “crisis hotline”) or check the phone book.
To make the next holiday better, think about coaching to reach your goals.
*this story has been updated just about every year since 2009. I hope it helps and I hope you enjoy it
