ASK ALISON: MANAGING YOUR LIFE AND CAREER
I went back to school full-time for a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, hoping to work with terminally ill patients. Then I decided that it wasn’t going to be lucrative and exciting enough and discovered that I was pregnant. After my 3-month maternity leave, I went back to work but due to my parenting commitments, I had to quit. Now my son is almost three. I don’t want to work with patients because the level of responsibility and stress is incompatible with my ideal of parenthood. I want to be 100% available to my son. Any employer I work for must understand my parenting style. My son comes before anything else.
Recently, I took a job as a writer for a nonprofit. At first, I was just happy to have a job, but the stress here is also high. I had to come in on a weekend to finish a project. Now, I just want to leave. But I’m wondering how am I going to explain all my career changes. How can I explain why someone with a Ph.D. would sink to the level of a writing or editing job? I know that stressing my commitment to my child too strongly in interviews will be a turnoff. However, I feel strongly that employers have to know where I stand. Will Anyone Hire Me?
Sign me: Susan I’m Stuck
Susan: First of all, I’m a writer and an editor and you’re contacting me for advice, so telling me that you’ve “sunk to the level of a writing or editing job” isn’t the best way to get my help (although it got my attention). But you seem confused so I’ll try to shed some light on your issues.
Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if everything amazed and interested you and you got paid a heap of cash for it? And if you didn’t have to work hard, or could just work when you wanted, that would be nice too? And, if you had bosses that coddled you and let you out to get lattes whenever…
The Impossible Dream Parenting Vs Work:
You are clear in your mind that your child must come first. Ok. that’s fine. But then you can’t consider jobs where the hours, the stress, a highly competitive work culture will stress you out and aggravate your boss and co-workers. Understand that when you are a dedicated parent, other things (like feeding your ego while accepting fascinating, lucrative work in a traditional setting where you are expected to be “on-call” and working all the time) may not, at this stage in your life and that of your child’s life, be compatible with your vision.
When an employer hires someone, they want that person to be available and to be committed to the job. That also means before family and friends, even if that seems cold. Those “amazing entrepreneurs” you read about who seemingly have it all often turn out to have a lot of help with a fat bankroll from another job where they worked their “a…s” off. They saved their money, or from someone else who bankrolled their success.
Parenting and Work: Be realistic
In your letter (edited for privacy) you felt “forced” to work on a weekend. You also say you are unhappy that you are not finding a career or job satisfaction. You’ve been demeaned by doing editing and writing work (this is my job, but we won’t go there). Now, you need to fix issues in your work life.
You acknowledged that you have problems, and that’s a start. But be realistic. You want fulfilling, low stress, with few obligations. And, you want non-demanding clients and a super-understanding boss who is ok with you putting parenting responsibilities before your job responsibilities. It sounds great, but it’s not realistic.
What Makes A Good Employee
For most people, job success and satisfaction means making compromises and concessions and working hard. Employers are parents too. Therefore, they understand how important being a “mom” is. But they aren’t going to put their own jobs and company at risk for you. They are going to hire people who are excited about working. No one hires someone who doesn’t care about the job.
Be Responsible But:
I commend you for wanting to be a responsible parent, but while your child is young. But that also means you can’t consider jobs where you are required with a lot of obligations. If you can work from home you can handle a lot of the parenting duties. But you will still be expected to respond to emergency situations on a regular basis. You may be asked to network after hours.
Unfortunately for you, many jobs with high expectations of your work commitments are interesting and higher-paying ones. If, for example, your goal is to work with terminally ill patients, you have to be there when needed., You can’t tell someone who is in crisis or dying to “wait” because you promised to take the kids to the park. So the clinical work might be out of the question right now.
Parenting: There are Other Options:
That said, there are tons of organizations that work around these issues. The non-profit world is full of people who are very dedicated to their causes. But they may offer less salary while allowing you to be flexible with hours or work environment. You might even set up a job share.
There are other, private-sector companies that offer on-site daycare, job share, telecommuting options, and so forth.
Consider actress Diane Keaton in the movie baby boom. She was forced to rethink her career track and it worked out well! Maybe start a cottage industry in your kitchen as Diane Keaton did in the movie “Baby Boom. She leaves her high-profile job for herself. When the money runs low and with a baby to support, she starts a gourmet baby-food company. It quickly is worth millions.
Think Carefully:
Whatever you do, think about it carefully, as you will want to be sure that what you do next helps you plot the path to success in your career. You might creatively edit your resume to minimize the job switches and gaps by emphasizing how each move was a positive step in your career. Show how these gave you the opportunity to add important skills to your background. You don’t have to explain why you aren’t using your Ph.D. A degree is not “trade school.”
And one more thing Susan: You might be very surprised to find that many of your colleagues who write and edit are not idiots after all *check out my background on LinkedIn.
