I Got Him a Gift But He Didn’t Get Me One — So What Does That Mean?
Every year this question “He Didn’t Give Me A Gift, Does It Mean He Isn’t Into Me?” pops up on advicesisters.com. It’s a classic, and has been some of the most popular stories on advicesisters.com. As a new year continues, it’s fair to ask: Does the lack of a gift mean a lack of love? The 2021 version isn’t specifically for Valentine’s Day, because the question is relevant to every special day in your life.
‘Robert and I are in a fairly new relationship (6 mo. At Christmas). While it might have been too early to give him something really intimate, I did get him a nice gift and he loved it! However, he didn’t give me a gift, not even a card, in return. Does this send the message that he just isn’t into me? Does the lack of a gift mean a lack of love? I am not greedy, but I think a small token to show our relationship status and that he cares, would have been appropriate. I’m really disappointed and don’t know how to handle it.
This one is complicated. For most people, a gift is a token of affection to treasure, no matter how small. Offering a gift comes with many different meanings, from “thank you” to “I appreciate you” to “I love you.” However, there are some people who just give gifts, and they don’t like to get gifts, either. My own husband is of the latter variety. He doesn’t want “things,” but he is happy to gift them to me. He also doesn’t mind birthday cakes, cards, or the occasional tickets to a concert or something similar.
Give It Time?
Give it time. However, you’ve already invested more than six months in this relationship. Maybe in Robert’s view. it’s still not time to offer gifts. Maybe he thought a card would be too cheap, but didn’t know what to get you and didn’t want to “get it wrong.” He could have been frozen with indecision and ended up with nothing for you. Maybe he didn’t know what kind of gift would send the appropriate message and didn’t want to insult you by being too platonic or too intimate.
In other words, even though Robert didn’t reciprocate your gift with one of his own doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t see a future with you. Truthfully if Robert wasn’t into you, six months is enough time to know that from the things he says and does.
As my co-author on Leather and Lace Advice, Tony Sabatini has pointed out “It’s likely that these people were deprived of love and affection as children and given material things to compensate by guilty parents. To give away material things is to give away love.“
Is He Into You?
Big Questions To Consider:
Does he treat you with respect and consideration? Does he talk about what you two might do in the future? Does he seem genuinely happy to be with you? These are clues to how he sees your relationship.
Communication Is Important:
You’ve been together long enough to talk honestly. If you can’t do that now, it’s not a good sign that you feel comfortable enough with each other to move forward. That’s another clue.
If you feel you can say something, do it before your next big event or holiday. Ask him in conversation how he feels about gifting, in general. Tie it to a friend’s birthday party and should you bring a gift, or something like that. See how he reacts. Warning bells should ring if he balks or dismisses you or takes it as a joke.
Give a Gift & You Give a Hug:
Gifts are like hugs. They acknowledge our existence and worth, and they make us feel warm and happy.
If you find out that he really doesn’t like to give or get gifts, you need to tell him that you do. Let him firmly know that you’re not greedy but a gift is a way to show affection. Tell him it’s important to you. Most men will try to make someone they care about happy if they know what to do.
Your guy might also admit that he thought about getting you something but he didn’t know what would be right. This is an easy fix. When you’re “out & about” help him out by pointing out things you like. Make sure they are not above his means. Start small, with a book, a CD, flowers, anything with cats on it, tech gadgets, etc. That way, if he does decide to give you a gift he will already know that you will like it.
Actions speak louder than words. If after all of the above, Valentines’ Day, your birthday or your next “anniversary” passes without a nice dinner, flowers, or anything else from Robert, cut your losses. He’s not that into you.
Start looking for a new boyfriend.