“I have been seeing someone for seven weeks now and it has been wonderful. He had initiated much of our relationship. He showered me with affection and gifts. Then, this week, he tells me that he wants to slow our relationship down. I knew something was up when he started acting standoff-ish. A week ago he was telling me that he thought I was “THE ONE for him and he couldn’t sleep at night unless I was near him…so what could have changed his feelings do quickly? I haven’t done anything wrong. However, I can’t help but feel like I’ve caused him to back away. I don’t want to lose him. What should I do?”
You’ve done nothing wrong other than moving the needle to love a bit too quickly.
A good foundation in a relationship takes time and yours is just a little over a month old!
For some men, the realization that they are under the spell of a fantastic woman is both exciting and frightening. So one minute they’re full steam ahead, and the next, they’re backing off.
True commitment phoebes also act this way. They act besotted and sweep you off your feet, telling you that you are the one and only.
Then just as quickly as they pushed the relationship, they retreat,
For the purposes of this Q&A, I’m assuming your boyfriend is scared, but he isn’t a true commitment-phobe,
So now he knows how much you care for him, and he cares too, perhaps he counted on so soon.
A clue for me is your mention that he says he needs you near him to sleep. Since the relationship is so new and hasn’t had time to gel, those feelings of need are overwhelming.
There is no right or wrong time to become intimate, but since it’s just been a few weeks, it is clear that your boyfriend needs to feel more secure before he can relax with you.
My advice is to ignore the negatives and take things back a notch. Get to know one another and don’t push, Don’t do anything special …just “BE.” the rest will come
I don’t believe in playing “chase me/catch me” games but even if you’re tempted to admit your undying love, don’t do it right now.
It’s really important to focus on learning about one another and enjoying the journey. However, if you find that he can’t manage to enjoy your company without freaking out, maybe he’s just not the one.
In that case, you’ve only committed to a couple of weeks or months. Find someone who has similar relationship goals and is happy to take forward-moving steps with you.