Some of the most popular questions asked on my dating and relationship website leatherandlaceadvice.com are from people who want to know if they have real love, or how they can find it.
Every year I post advice for those who want to know about love. Here’s the 2020 version:
Brief Definition of Love:
For generations of women who have grown up with fairy tales like Cinderella and Snow White, or Beauty & the Beast, romance seems powerful and always with a happy ending.
The wildly popular movie “Love Story” suggested that love means “never having to say you’re sorry.”
But fairytales and romantic movies don’t always reflect real life. Saying “I’m sorry” is an over-simplification. And no one I know has met a prince via pumpkin carriage instead of UBER!
It Is and Isn’t That Simple:
“Love” is ultimately caring for and caring about another person. It is ultimately the desire to be with and around that person.
For most people, true love makes you feel that the world feels like a better place because you have been blessed with a special connection to someone else.
Alas, they may or may not feel the same way about you. Still, knowing you can feel this way about someone makes you human. When someone feels the same, it’s magical.
Unconditional Love:
The need to be with and protect your child as in the love of a mother for her daughter is definitely unconditional.
It’s not the romantic kind, but many of us have this connection.
Romantic Love!
Romantic love often doesn’t always make sense. There’s no logic to whom we select.
I’m not talking about love at first sight. Mostly, these are feelings of lust, not love.
However, I know more than one couple who knew right away that they were going to marry the person they just met. I can’t vouch for the outcome long term, though.
For most people, real relatomships take time to develop. First, you have to get to know someone to discover what makes them special.
Otherwise, you have no basis in fact to judge, other than their looks.
Come Together…Stay Together:
A true love relationship has to be mutual and lasting even when the relationship hits a rough patch. All relationships no matter how wonderful, do hit snags.
You don’t stop loving that person even if they have irritated or disappointed you. The negatives are just a minor percentage of all the good things they are.
The difference between success and failure is that couples who truly love each other want to stay together and are motivated to work things out.
The Benefits!
You don’t belong to each other, but you belong with each other.
Two people who truly love one another are individuals but they are two parts of a whole. They’re visibly in sync with one another in their body language.
Together they’re a strong, unbreakable unit. This is a benefit money can’t buy.
Selflessness:
As a long-time relationship advisor, what strikes me the most about the best and longest-lasting happy couples is that they are not selfish.
When you really love someone you want someone else to succeed. You aren’t jealous if good things happen for them even if you don’t share in the benefits.
You wish for their well being and happiness as much or more than your own.
This kind of selfless love isn’t always romantic. For example, religious figures such as Mother Teresa had a selfless love for others.
We are not all saints, but when you care enough for someone, you would gladly make a sacrifice for that person because it is important to them, even if there is nothing at all in it for you.
Do You Have The Real Thing?
Hopefully, after reading this article you will know if your love is the real thing, the true and lasting kind. And if you have it, you are very lucky.
But if you don’t have it, there’s always a chance to find it.
Happy Valentines’ Day!
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